Wow, where does the time go? I feel like this experience is just flying by! As much as I try to stay present and enjoy each moment to the fullest, waking up one day and realizing that you're seven months pregnant is a total shock to the system!
My yoga students, family, and friends are constantly asking me - how are you feeling? In short: I feel amazing. This pregnancy has been absolutely beautiful! I share this statement with you all with much hesitation because I know that not every pregnancy is the same, and some women have a much tougher time than others. But, if there's one thing I've committed myself to over the past few years, it's speaking my truth -- even if some people don't want to hear it. Believe it or not, some women actually don't like hearing that you're having a wonderful pregnancy! Weird.
But, I don't write this for them. I write this for me, as a place to process and share and document this super special time in my life. And I write this for you -- the girl who is afraid to get pregnant. The girl who is afraid that she'll be sick 24/7, won't be able to keep up her active lifestyle, will loose all her friends who don't understand what she's going through. The girl who will hate the changes happening in her body and resent the little human growing inside. That girl was me, circa 2013. My husband and I had just celebrated our 3 year wedding anniversary and planned to start trying that year. But, my fears absolutely paralyzed me. All of those thoughts listed above (and then some) played over and over in my head. I knew, deep down, that the timing wasn't right for me. Having to break this news to my husband was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. But every cell in my being told me that I needed to sit with my fears, move through the darkness, and search, and seek, and fight for the light. I needed to do the hard work to figure out the root of my deepest fears, which after two years of self study, boiled down to me not loving myself or believing that I was worthy of being someone's mother.
Then, the process of releasing that notion began. I worked diligently and intimately with energy healing, colon hydrotherapy, sound therapy to unblock my sacral and belly chakras, practiced womb healing and the "woman poetry" style of yoga, cultivated a tribe of supportive and nurturing female friends in my life, and spent quality time in nature reconnecting with the original mother, Pachamama (Mother Earth) to receive the messages and learn the lessons that I needed to learn from her. A combination of all these things helped me journey to a place of profound healing, self-acceptance, self-love, and ultimately -- shifting my thoughts into understanding that I am worthy of experiencing the joy and great privilege of motherhood.
So, when you see me here smiling from ear to ear and embracing this beautiful, vibrant, growing belly of mine, understand that the person writing this in May of 2016 is very different than the fearful girl of 2013. I worked hard to get to this point and truly believe that LOVE IS GREATER THAN FEAR. You have the ability to build up your gratitude and love so strongly that it can smother even your deepest fears. It takes time. This process cannot and should not be rushed. But believe me, it feels so sooo good to be on the other side. And I truly believe that this is why my body and mind have reacted so positively to this pregnancy. I have never been sick once, I still enjoy a strong, fiery yoga practice a few times a week, while teaching every day, sometimes 3 yoga classes a day. I control my cravings and lean mostly towards healthy, nourishing foods. I just started my Third Trimester and I'm happy to report that everything has been smooth sailing physically and emotionally -- even in the midst of living in a construction zone while doing a 2 bathroom demo and remodel to create a beautiful home environment for baby.
Thank you to everyone reading this for your constant love and support on this journey. I live my life by the philosophy that everything and everyone is connected, and I definitely can feel your positive energy lifting us up each day. My inbox is wide open if any of you ever want to chat about womb healing or the insane rollercoaster ride of transitioning from girl into woman, as these topics are so fresh on my heart right now. In closing, I have NO idea what the future holds, but I do know that living every single day with LOVE AND GRATITUDE is the only option.