Dear Cancer,

Please leave me alone. Please leave my family alone. Please leave ALL families alone. 
But since you won't, I need to understand something -- Why are you here? What are you here to teach us? To take better care of our bodies and our planet? Or that no matter what, our genetic destiny is already written so we need to learn non-attachment, impermanence and surrender to what is? Or a combination of both??? 

So many unanswered questions swirling around in my mind, but above all, I'm asking this -- how can you take the dignity of my handsome, strong Grandfather and make him fight for his life? The first man that showed me what it was to be a man. To take care of your family and honor your wife like a Queen. 

How can the strength, beauty, and dignity of so many of our friends, women, children, even babies -- without discrimination -- be poisoned and tortured by this awful disease???? I know you're here to teach us something, but still . . . that doesn't make it any easier to watch our generation suffer.

To anyone else out there in the depths of this: I feel you. I send you love and strength and hope. We are all in this together! If you've noticed I've been a little absent from my blog, this is one of the reasons why. My sweet Grandpa has been diagnosed once again with an aggressive cancer that hospitalized him a few days before Christmas until just a few days ago. Almost 4 weeks of my Grandmother, his dedicated wife of 62 years, at his hospital bedside every single day and my mom coming to the rescue to help them both heal. 

It just amazes me what cancer does to a family. In one way, it so devastatingly rips our hearts apart, yet in another, it brings people closer and puts all of life's little problems into perspective immediately. One thing I know for sure about myself is that I don't do well when I bottle up my emotions and try to play the "always strong, always happy one" so here is my attempt at sharing something really raw. I know my life here online generally looks like rainbows, mermaids, and sunshine (which thankfully it is most of the time) but this right here, to me, is one of the most important things I can ever share with you. Real, raw, unfiltered sadness. Because every up needs a down. The Universe operates in perfect balance so it can't be all sunshine all the time. 

Suffering is real and cancer is a huge part of our generation's pain, so it would be a disservice to not share this other flip-side of my life with you all. At this point, every person on this planet can name one other person (or animal) in their life that is battling cancer, so it's relevant to all of us. "We are all connected" has been my mantra over the last two years and it's more true than ever now. While love is oftentimes the common universal thread, in this case, cancer is what can (and should) unite us, if we allow it to. Thank you for reading and following my journey all these years. I wish you and your families an abundance of health, happiness, and many more days together. 

love,

Mandy